Donnie, I feel your pain. My father died in his sleep of heart attack when I was 18. It was quite a shock and after 15 years, there is not a day that goes by that something doesnt remind me of him. My dad was hero. He taught me so many great things and made so many sacrifices for me. I wish that I had the ability to understand that at age 18. But I was a stupid kid and took many things for granted. Caused me quite a bit of guilt over the years. After he died I went on a mission to improve my life. Went to college, starting eating right and working out. I feel I have done many things in the past 15 years that he would be very proud of...all of course can be bittersweet as he is not there to share them with me. But I learned two very important things that keep me on the correct path over the years. One was that I had a really great dad for 18 years. Something that so many people will never have. I was really very lucky that my father always made time for me and lived to pass his knowledge on to me. I have friends whose father are complete assholes and have no relationship with their children. I would have rather my dad had been who he was even if it was only for 18 years.
Two is that I learned that tragedy is inevitable and that it will happen to all of us in our lives. I have had bad things happen to me in the years since my father died, however when it does happen I know now that I will learn something valuable and some good will come of it. When my father died it sparked me to change my life for the better and gave me all the motivation I needed. When I broke my leg it led me to find biking, etc... Every bad event has taught me something very important and has led to something good.
Anyway, Hope to see you on the trail someday
Joe
