For the first time since Tuesday, I got on a bike today. Was I really ready for it? Maybe, maybe not. But I had enough sitting around being little more than a paper weight on the couch & chair in front of my laptops. I spun lightly, and worked the whole time, managing to net 2 hours in total. I had to reinstall our software in a client site since, SURPRISE, they decided to wipe the instance. These customers wonder why things are so hard. Imagine if you called your car dealer and said, "Oh hey, yeah we decided to blow up the driveway so we need you to deliver a new car." It's not so deep as that but it makes a point. Maybe a shitty point, but a point nonetheless.
When I was done I showered for the first time since Tuesday. Worse than this, I changed clothes for the first time since Tuesday.
I did sleep better last night, a total of 6.5 hours of minorly interrupted sleep. I only had to wake up once to knock down a few more Advil then dropped back out. The night before, I had to go downstairs and get the ice pack and slap it on my jaw to get back to bed. So it's progress, even if it's like being mauled by an alligator instead of a bear, or vice versa, whichever is better. I was up for good at 5:30 again today.
I also ate solid food for the first time this evening since Tuesday. I made some eggs with ham & cheese and it was amazing. It made me hurt a bit after, but it was excellent. I am pretty ready for real food again. Eating yogurt, hummus, and PB is getting old. But I only take in small amounts because it hurts to open my mouth much.
I find it interesting that
@StayHydrated writes something on the Internet and then his phone magically suggests it. Not creepy. Not creepy at all.
@BCurry talks about removing work email but for me it was Microsoft Teams, which is the chat application we use at work. After we were bought out I reached a climax with this and it was non-stop with the daily interruptions no matter where I was nor what I was doing. I was so irate at work I had to remove it lest I fling my phone in the ocean, a course of action that
@Dominique certainly does not endorse. Removing that lowered my stress level 30%, and as a result I became less available for my coworkers and they subsequently stopped pinging me every second for bullshit.
You also mentioned Vermont & skiing and I am still in a post-vacation longing stretch, maybe because I know it's coming to an end (I write this, knowing I will be in Vermont next weekend) but also because perhaps I am longing for somewhere to be where it doesn't hurt to exist. But just reading the post made me want to go back.
This weekend, we have the kids but then we don't have any of them most of the day Saturday plus Saturday night. We still have to figure out what to do. We both want to mountain bike, but we are not sure where. Then at night I would love to say we can do something but I am guessing I will be exhausted. So we'll watch TV most likely.
I am forging through
The Year of Living Danishly and so far it pretty much blows. We got the good part, the highlights, on a brief part of a Freakonomics podcast we listened to. Beyond that, this book is kind of like one of the lesser good Bill Bryson books I have read. Meaning it is pretty much totally forgettable. I more or less have dropped to reading this book when I am waiting for something, like a cashier, but more on that later.
In contrast, I have gotten into Cryptonomicon, and I will reach the midpoint fairly soon. I am pretty much aiming to read 20 pages a day which will get me to the end of the book by the end of the month. It's gotten more engaging just by virtue of getting further into it. I don't know if it is necessarily amazing just yet. But it's really good, really well written, and I am so invested in the characters I want to keep rolling through it to see where it goes.
So the idea that
@jmanic brings up about killing time is an interesting one. Why do we actually need to "kill" time? Where are we going with it? I own the Ram Dass book,
Be Here Now, but I have never read it. I always assumed it is about presence, and being where you are. I often sat on the subway going to work in NYC and thought to myself, "What if here sucks?" I think the subway often times brings home that point, especially when you get on a train car where the homeless aroma has actually manifested itself as a color.
But the idea is something we all espouse, that we should always be
doing something. Is that right? Is that normal? Ok yes it is normal, this is normal, this is human. It is very rare that anyone just sits there and does nothing, nothing at all. But should we? As I go through these detachment moments and give up my social medias, I often want to default to a game of some sort, even if it is a mindless "time waster" as we know it. Why do I want to do that?
The extension to this is that I find myself reading and writing more. But even if these are not "wastes" of time, they are still not doing nothing. Am I replacing my need to do something mindless with the need to do something mindful? I guess the answer is a resounding yes. Should I, should we, learn to do nothing? I don't know the answer to that question and I don't know if this is something we should all learn to do. If you are with someone else, talking, you again are
still doing something. Should we learn to do nothing when we are by ourselves?
There's no right answer to that question, in my opinion. I don't think we should strive for nothing just because. But I think
@jmanic does bring up a point that when you're in line at the store you don't need to be connected. As it turns out right now, my free time standing in line kind of hurts, so I have been distracting myself from reality as much as possible by reading my eBook, the Danish one that's not especially good.
In any event, these are somewhat idle & random thoughts but they do make me think, which is a good thing. But then the next logical question is, if we are alone doing nothing, but we are thinking, is this still
doing something? But to what aim is this line of thought? Are we meant to clear our heads entirely and not even think? I think the point here is that there is a wide chasm between strolling in nature & observing and playing Fortnight 22 hours a day. But they are both really doing something. We all need to make a decision on how useful or useless each of these endeavors is.
Anyway, as I write this I am sitting on the couch with the family writing & watching this Netflix Jack Ryan thing. And now I am going to hit submit then get a Klondike ice cream sandwich because my jaw hurts and fuck it, might as well make it hurts more and eat something that makes me happy, at least for a few minutes.
